and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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