i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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