We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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