it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
