AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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