can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
