we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i think im in europe. pls send help
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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