Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
