Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
