I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
