Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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