If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options