Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
