you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
