I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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