Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
