Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
