it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
