I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
