hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
