I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
