I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
