I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
