drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
