he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
