he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
