I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
