i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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