I'm going to jail i love you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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