he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
