There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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