I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize