I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
