It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
high people should be assigned attendants
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
