:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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