C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
