Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
