my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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