I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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