toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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