I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
