i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
