Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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