but the lizard people decide everything anyway
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
