I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
