I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize