i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize