He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
