I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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