just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
