So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
