My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
