i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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