He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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