I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
