brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
