Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
