You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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