Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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