Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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