Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
