you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize