I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
