it was like his penis was on wheels.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
