My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
